( it's raining love )

invisigirl.

2011-03-22T21:26:00.000+08:00

one can never be too used to being forgotten.
one can never be numb of the feeling, of being forgotten.
it hurts the most, when you cannot utter how painful it is.

no one has ever cared, anyways.
no stranger has ever loved another stranger.
this won't be an exception.
just another perfect day, waiting to be ruined.

we've been waiting, waiting too much.
that painstaking feeling you get when you know you cannot bear this wait anymore,
yet also knowing that you can do nothing,
but to wait.

will you understand?
have you ever, been forgotten?
have you ever, been pushed aside?
have you ever, been invisible?

delighted to the feeling of an ounce of care from someone else,
often skipping a heartbeat when someone showed love to you;
you pretended to be okay.
you pretend to be fine.

it's not okay, nor fine at all, for being seen through
and not looked at.
invisibility is not a gift.
especially when you can still, clearly see yourself,
and know that you are not invisible at all.

when you know you are real,
yet no one sees or hears you,
you pretend to be okay.
you pretended to be fine.

friends.

2011-01-30T00:06:00.000+08:00

he lays his arm around the other boy's shoulder. a smile is spread across the boy's face, and his face is immediately flushed. not because he is in love, but because he knows he's been forgiven, and the blush indicates happiness. Tako, who is now looking away with pink-tinted cheeks, positions his other arm casually over his thigh. the train continues to wobble from side-to-side awkwardly, but not too heavily.

"you're not angry?" Song finally asks and breaks the silence. the boy, who is famous for being a wonderful all-rounded artist and his friendliness is being his usual self today--humble and polite. Takoyaki, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of Song. lazy, hard-headed, ill-tempered, but in the end, still the most forgiving among themselves. their hair are also so drastically different from normal beings--Song's being a soft pink which surprisingly, doesn't appear too girlie on him and Tako's pale white shoulder-length hair with a bright streak of orange on the left side of his face. no one really knew how these two became friends.

"well, we're friends, right?" Tako replies, still looking the other way and unwilling to let go of his hook from Song's shoulder. despite the eight-year age gap, they get along fine. Tako isn't usually submissive, yet somehow with Song, he lets the pink-haired boy take care of his wardrobe. it's also thanks to Song that Tako has a much more decent job than being a pretty-much-anything freelancer. the whirring of the wind outside of the train and the emptiness inside the coach makes the situation a lot more awkward.

"we are," Song replies blandly. come to think of it, it's even stranger that Tako and Song has been able to converse with each other for so long, when Tako is Japanese and Song is Korean. though Song does have the upper-hand, having learning more than 10 languages by the age of five. Tako was particularly relieved when Song didn't ask about his blood-red eyes. it was a curse, really. it made the people around him see him as a calamity, a bad omen as he grew up. eventually he left his hometown as his parents passed away. he still remembers how his name came about--his father was a genius at making takoyakis. until Tako arrived, at least. his father died shortly after his birth.

the train slows down almost dramatically. "next station, Shinjuku. next station, Shinjuku," the robotic voice announced. Song, returning to his usual self, immediately grins cheekily at Tako. "c'mon, don't be angry! Mayo and Nine are waiting for us at Shinjuku, cheer up, okay?" Tako, who is known for being a cold-blooded creature, smiles without putting in any effort. it's almost natural when he's with Song. 'Song' also seemed easier to be remembered rather than his Korean name, Hae Jun. Takoyaki removes his arm from Song's shoulder and stretches. the train stops right when he places his arms down again.

"yeah, let's go. time is running," Tako says as he stands up and walks out of the train, with Song following behind him like a child.

time is running. we'll be friends forever, even if forever means a day or two hundred years.

ramblings.

2010-11-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

this is my refuge. this is where i take cover when i'm too scared to say it in your face.
this is the part where i tell you i'm sick of life, but indeed i am not.
simply sick of the souls changing around me, but still thankful for a handful who're still the same.
i cannot handle a meager drop of change, it hurts me so, it makes me miss.
"i guess if you can let me down for so many times, i suppose i can do the same too"
i don't wish to be vengeful, but a certain subconscious is calling out for me to be realistic, and mean.
sarcasm doesn't work its way into my ears, humor fills me not;
i feel like a soulless child, completely transformed to be someone i am not.

i struggle to look for the delicate scent of hope around me, yet nothing comes up.
the happiest music sounds almost like a funeral to me, the sadder ones only make it worse.
who am i to speak of life's depths?
i feel worthless, undeserving and lost.
not knowing what i want, not knowing what i need, not knowing what i have even lost.
it's suddenly tough for me to smile, yet the next second i could be laughing.

worlds seem to be turning, spinning, twirling in gigantic circles.
i am lost again, not knowing a single thing, regressed into a baby.

that time.

2010-09-29T20:27:00.000+08:00

when i just don't want to do anything : not drawing, not singing-along, not dancing, not studying, not talking to anyone, not feeling a thing. when i feel utterly lost like a kitten who lost her mother, learning how to stand on all fours, learning how to run without learning how to walk, learning everything from scratch again.

i am emptied. fill me with your souls once again.

2010-08-21T16:06:00.002+08:00

oh fuck you.
because you can't get over her and i'm sick of people being so obsessed with her.

2010-07-18T00:13:00.000+08:00

what a fool i am to be, still waiting, hoping like an idiot, hoping that a nice person would come along, see that i am feeling downright awful, give me a pat on the back and make me happy again. what a fool i am.

i don't need that nice person. i'll be two and comfort myself by being another.
i won't expect any more.

i always do.

2010-07-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

i always have a reason why 'he' likes 'her' and not 'me'.

she's prettier;
she has long hair;
she has flawless skin;
she's petite;
she's sweet and lovable;
she's girly;
she looks good in everything;
she's charismatic;
she's good with words;
she's quiet;
she's cute;
she's talented;
she's so insanely kind;
she's perfect.

while 'i' am not.

no one saves her.

2010-07-01T18:18:00.000+08:00

and i'm not the girl you'd want to be in love with, because i'm far from beautiful, far from graceful, far from girlie, far from everything you ever wanted to see in your girl. and i'm not the girl...

she repeated the sentence over and over and over and over again, as if drunk in her very own words. her heart cracks, breaks, shatters. he had done nothing but smile, yet he has succeeded in breaking her fragile heart, which was big, for she was a tall, boyish girl, and it only made it hurt a lot more. no words has been said by anyone, but she smiles as he smiles when she is crying inside. no one sees the faint hint of misery on her expression, not even the best friend, who had her own string of problems to deal with. she can only hope time runs, sprints away from her so she can run away, far from this place where no one can see her cry and foulmouth.

her self-esteem once again broken, but most friends are more than tired to fix her back into who she was before. the friends are finally exhausted from telling her nice things, giving her hope and love, mending her back, stitch after stitch. the girl never learns, always running into love and breaking herself apart. she thought she was strong, she thought she could handle every ounce of pain and sorrow driven back at her.

she thought.

a minute felt like an eternity to her. time passes so slow, so sarcastically, as if to laugh at her stupidity, as if to wake her up from her deafness when she's with her friends, to make her listen, as if to teach her a lesson, to let her go through this painstaking heartbreak slow and long, so she'd understand, so she'd learn to slow down.

nothing helps.

the girl is broken yet again, and this time, no one is here to fix her.
no one is here to save her.

no prince charming, no willing friend, no caring family.
none.

the girl is left broken.
the girl is left broken. forever.

wish post.

2010-07-01T18:03:00.000+08:00

wish someone would hold me tight and whisper to me 'it's okay'
wish you would compliment me all day long until i tell you i'm sick of it
wish i would have the courage to do whatever i want
wish i could draw better things
wish you would call and ask if i'm okay
wish i would be a million times braver and two times dumber so i can live a great life
wish i would stop wishing so much
wish i had a simpler, less complicated mind

wish the rain would stop.

when everybody wants you.

2010-05-10T20:49:00.000+08:00

i don't want to tell you about this.

because i bet you'll think i'm still that girl who likes you. secretly. not anymore, i'm not. i want to tell you in the face that i don't like you anymore and i simply enjoy you as a friend, but i guess it's too much for me to say to you right in the face.

so anyways, here's the thing i don't want to tell you about.
first of all, i don't like you anymore. like really, i just had to make things clear. sorry. when i tell you i don't like you anymore, it means I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE. just take the truth. hmm yes. next? i think you're a little hard to approach lately. maybe it's just me. i hate disturbing you and your love when i know you want to spend every minute with her around. i know how that feels like, to want to be around that special person all the time. so, yeah, the thing i don't want to tell you about is that you're difficult to approach nowadays.

i want us to be friends again, though i guess too many people want you.
okay. i'll just stay away from you, mr. popular.

i'll just stick to those who really need me for now. so if you need me, i'll definitely be around.

...not like you're gonna read this.

this isn't part two but maybe part four or further.

2010-04-07T00:35:00.000+08:00

"why is there a war, Mint?"

the boy whose body and face is older than Mint's, but with a mind too young asks with an expression full of curiosity. his hands placed onto his cheeks, elbows touching the expensive-looking marble floor, chest touching the cold surface of the floor and a pair of waving legs which will not stop rocking back and forth, Shin looks comfortable, as usual. Mint sits in front of Shin, laying his back onto an edge of the desk he owns that has always seemed too tall for him, looks up with an expression that no child is able to show.

that face, that expression only adults can make. he is thinking deeply for a suitable answer. why is there a war? he forgot, really. it just so happened that one day, people carrying guns and heavy machinery barged into the peaceful town Mint was born in. the peace was gone, the people were dead, and Mint began fleeing with his family from war zone to war zone for as far as he could remember.

why is there a war? no one really remembers.

"i hate the war."

Shin's tiny speech broke Mint's train of thoughts. pupils enlarged, the 11-year-old stares at Shin. he speaks.

"it's not just you, Shin. i hate the war too. everyone does. but i'm not too sure why everyone's still so pumped up for the war. i don't know why adults enjoy killing each other, screaming victory cheers and bombing the enemies' quarters. i don't want to be an adult, Shin."

Shin sits up immediately and embraces Mint into his arms.

"it's okay, Mint. i'll protect you from all the baddies. you don't have to be an adult. we'll both stay as kids forever."

despite knowing that it will never happen, Mint feels secured, safe and relieved.

something about Shin just calms him whenever he tells him things like these.

maybe he just forgot about believing in miracles, that's all.

part one and there's no part two.

2010-04-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

his hair has the perfect curl. his face, as if an angel's. his body, so small, so weak, yet so strong inside. with a mind of steel, a smile barely ever showed on his beautiful face. the continuous war has numbed him of all pain. the smile from the young boy has faded away without him realizing. he's not a boy when he gives commands; he is the general of the Svera army, one of the strongest army troops of the world. he has forgotten why this war is going on right now, all that is on his mind... is nothing. all he wants to do, is to forget. Thomas Mint is not who he was 7 years ago.

the white-haired boy comes along to interfere with his plans. the childishness on Shin's face reminds him of himself when he was only four.

Mint detests that timeline. he was losing everyone he loved. he was losing everything, until he started to pick up a gun and kill. yet he didn't do that restlessly, he had a mind no adult had. a strategical brain so perfect for the war. the former Svera general spotted him in the war zone and picked him as his replacement, his heir. Mint picked up the general's duties when he turned 10 last year. none dared to disobey Thomas Mint, despite the fact that he is only a child.

June, the weaponry specialist, is specifically close to the boy, to protect him from all harms possible. they've been clinging onto each other for years since Mint joined the Svera army. sometimes at night, Mint begins to have nightmares and he crawls into her bed to sleep. their bond is so strong, so unique it's indescribable.

Shin's arrival has messed things up. one of the platoons found him half-buried in the Jugo Desert. it's a miracle for him to have survived the desert and the war itself. his body seems almost perfect, without any injuries at all. the white-haired boy was as if asleep or knocked out when he was found. he woke up to see Mint and June by his side. the boy who looks around the age of 21 started to scream and cry like a baby. second after second he clings to Mint. the massive amount of childishness that Shin is showing reminds Mint of nothing but himself. the Mint who couldn't protect his family, the Mint who let go of his brother, the Mint who could do nothing but see all the people around him die.

the Mint who was weak, helpless, futile.

so bury your face into my arms, Mint.

so cry, Mint.

so show your true self to me, Mint.

Shin... protect me.

for who i am.

2010-02-21T20:54:00.003+08:00

it's strange how listening to Nick Jonas sing can make me sorta depressed and think of all the things i should have and all the things i want all at the same time.
it's also kinda strange how i'm blogging about this in this particular blog where i doubt any of my friends will ever drop by to read or will even know of the existence.

though something does makes sense.
the lyrics, to this song.

I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

for a cheesy love song, this one actually makes more sense than usual ones.

well, i shouldn't be craving for love or things i don't have. (:
i should see what i have and love'em more.

though, having things i want that i don't have would be great.

nah. having things that i want that i already have is AWESOME-ER.

random blabbers.

2010-02-12T18:53:00.004+08:00

boys.
why do they fall in love with girls?

i have a friend. she's really amazing. from how petite, how curvy she is, to how cute and how cuter she can be all the time. i've never told her this before but : a lot, a lot of guys fall for her all the time. all the boys fall for what she is--tiny, cute but beautiful, kind but dangerous, and maybe a little hint of sexy thrown in. all the boys fall for what she's not, too--overly strong, possessive, obsessive, dumb, and more of negative things that you can think of.

to me, she is perfect.
it's weird to say but, most of the guy friends i know, has fell for her, or are in the process of falling for her, or has already fallen for her.

boys. boys of our age are pretty demanding. well actually, i'm not sure what boys are right now. they're so hard to figure out, just like how they say us girls are hard to figure out.

this love thing is complicated.
is this even defined as love?

i have no conclusion of all these. i cannot derive anything that is logical from it. love is based all on feelings and no logic at all.

love makes you want to die for a person over and over again and you still think it won't be enough. love makes you cry in your tiny little room on rainy days because all the noise, all the things around you reminds you every bit of him/her. love comes for two seconds and waves goodbye to you as you chase after it until you collapse and lose sight of it. love then returns to you when you know that you're dying, but leaves you when you're fairly alive because it knows you don't need love anymore.

love is unexplainable, indescribable.
there is no word for love but love itself. there is not a word to replace it.

the higher the demand for love, the further it will run, and the deeper it will hide.
love is around when you less notice it, when you least want it.

love isn't about wanting; it's about needing.

two sides.

2010-02-06T18:27:00.005+08:00

"this is gonna be a long ride. i'mma catch a nap, okay?"

i nodded expressionless. he positioned his body in a pose that he thought was most comfortable and leaned his head against the window. his arms were folded and every crease formed on his long-sleeved shirt seemed perfectly in order. i caught myself staring at him trying to sleep and quickly turned away before he could see me looking at him. i pretended to look for my iPod in my incredibly unorganized bag. (truth is, no one was even looking at me, i just got nervous)

after double-checking that my iPod was where it was along with all my other belongings, i looked around the train to see what the other passengers were busying about. most of the people were comfortably(or uncomfortably) asleep though, so i quickly got bored of the passengers and switched my attention back to him.

i turned my face slowly to see his. first i saw his lips, oh those lips i wanted dearly to kiss. i was tempted to, but obviously i didn't have the guts to. next up was his nose, then his cheek, his closed eye, his thick brows, his hair, his ear and finally i could capture his whole side profile like a photograph in my eyes. my fingers were so eager to touch his cheek, or even his hands which he laid on his laps relaxingly. my heart raced even though i maintained a certain distance with him. our shoulders touched and i could feel a little bit of his warmth.

i lifted my body a little and faced entirely towards him. i positioned my hand as if i was going to tell a secret. i whispered in the softest voice i could.

"i love you.."

again, i caught myself doing the stupidest things on earth. i hide my face with both my hands with total shame. i turned to him slowly, wishing with all my might that he didn't wake up or anything. he was exactly like how he was 5 minutes ago. asleep.

i let out a relieved sigh. he didn't hear it, he didn't hear it--that's what i kept telling myself.

i opened my eyes slowly to check if she had hers closed. the light poured into my eyes and i had quite a hard time trying to stabilize my vision. i moved my head slightly so i could see her face. she was asleep.

i know. i know you love me.

"i love you too.."

i carelessly whispered out. my mind hoped that she didn't hear it, but my heart, my heart insisted that she heard every word.

Cheveux D'ange

2010-02-06T16:44:00.003+08:00

"you're not an angel."

"oh come on, the halo, the wings?"

"you can't be one. angels don't exist. maybe you're a mutant who lost her mind and thinks she's an angel. yup."

in the end, until now, Gabe still doesn't think i'm an angel. even after the appearance of Lucifer, Malcolm Hertfordshire and all the other pursuers who've heard of the legend, he still doesn't believe that i'm an angel. oh come on Gabe, i'm dying right now 'cause everyone wants a lock of my hair. see? that even sounded ridiculous when i said it myself. though that doesn't matter, Gabe's coming soon. he'll come an'save me. i'm sure.

oh Gabe, what's taking you so long...?

i can't just die...

angels don't die...

well, angels with only 1% of their power can definitely be killed...

oh Father, why didn't you leave me with 2% of my powers instead...?

heh.. no point whining now..

well, i'll be going back to heaven anyways...

bye, Gabe.
hello, Gabe.

2010-02-01T20:30:00.002+08:00

it's February!

suddenly, listening to all these Big Bang songs make me feel happy inside. makes me feel like crying tears of joy. outta nowhere.

Oh My Friend by Big Bang.
good song.

well, i don't miss you anymore.

2010-01-25T20:38:00.002+08:00

i can't stop thinking, i can't stop thinking
how disgusting of me
the sad music won't stop flooding my veins
everyday, everyday
it's so inevitable, i intend not to avoid it

even looking at your name,
it hurts.

the fact that it hurts
reminds me that i still love you
that the love for you isn't completely gone
that i've been lying to myself,
saying " i'm over you, i don't like you anymore "

but that's all a lie.
i love you. it's still in my veins.

you're mine to love.

2010-01-24T21:19:00.002+08:00

you are mine, you are mine dearly
you are here, here inside of my beating heart
you never left, you never left indeed

you maybe handsome, gorgeous, gentlemanly
you maybe all sorts of good things
and i may have fallen for you because of the good qualities you possess
but i am not in love with you completely
because of those good qualities
i am in love with thou
for all of you, good or bad, good nor bad

you're hers to hold, hers to kiss
you're hers to love
but you're also mine
quietly, swiftly, you're mine to love
you may not ever realize, you may not ever see nor hear nor feel
but i will always be here
inside of me, you will always be mine to love

i don't mean to sound noble, i don't mean to sound great-hearted
though i love you, i love you
i cannot love you
all i am mighty of doing
is loving you right here
where you cannot see nor hear nor feel me

all i am mighty of doing
is loving you

shhh. you'll wake up my love.

2010-01-16T21:40:00.002+08:00

i guess i just have to accept the facts.

i don't have to be pretty to be myself.
i KNOW i'm not pretty. but i don't care.
i am me. i will be happy.

drawing isn't helping.

2010-01-16T20:50:00.003+08:00

"she was never pretty in the first place. no matter how good she dresses up, she isn't beautiful."

maybe i should define beauty a little differently so i can start living my life happily. beauty has always been the most important word to a girl. if it isn't the most important, it'd be at the second. but that's usually impossible. i believe all girls take beauty as a very, very strong word in their lives.

i define beauty by first impressions. looks. appearances.
yes this is the OTHER beauty i'm talking about. the one you would know and recognize right away when you see someone, be it someone you know or you don't. we would ALL look at some random girl on the street when we're strolling around and be fascinated : "gosh she's pretty."

as miserable and as stupid this may sound to you, i have lived my life pretty sadly when it comes to beauty. day after day i repeat to myself : "you'll never be beautiful no matter what you do to yourself." i have no idea why i torture myself like that. it's pretty damn hard to change my angle of opinions. i wish you could change it. i wish i could.

i KNOW i should live my life happily.
i KNOW i should tell myself : beauty comes from the inside. screw those who only look at what they can see at first sight.

somehow i always fail.

pms does the worst things to me.

2010-01-12T20:51:00.000+08:00

God help him.

yeah, i don't really care.

2010-01-06T14:39:00.001+08:00

confession : i always think that i look pretty. until i see my side profile on a picture someone else took of me. then i get depressed. then i look at the mirror again at home. then i think i look pretty.

honestly, i don't care if i don't ever look pretty in your eyes.

He loves you.

2009-12-31T00:58:00.002+08:00

i am ugly, i am unworthy of love,
i am not as nice as you think i am,
but He stands by my side
and sings

Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

Oh I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you

because He is the only person who wants me forever.
God wants me. He wants to love me deeply.
for who i am and where i am.
He wants to stand by me. He longs to protect me.
He is my God. He is my all.
for if nobody ever loves me forever, i know He will.

thank You for sending a messenger.
i definitely got your message.

my love for Him grows stronger, tonight.

yet nothing's changed.

2009-12-30T21:01:00.003+08:00

i will not look for you when i am in any sort of trouble.
i will not tell you that i am not well.
i will smile at you to hide my true feelings.
i will pretend if i must, in front of you.
i will not let you be concern of my matters.
i will not think of you when i want to tell someone a secret.
i will only think of how you're doing with her when i think of you.
i will pull myself away from you.

i am not being noble.
i am being conscious.

ran-dom.

2009-12-25T21:15:00.002+08:00

never to be called beautiful,
never to be told beautiful,
never to be said.

just because
i don't put on make-up;
i don't wear dresses;
i eat like a boy;
i have a so-called unique face;
i am unlike others;
i don't act like you want me to;
i jump around like a four-year-old even though i'm at least 5 feet tall;
i wear comfortable shoes all the time;
i refuse to not be myself;
just because of all these?

screw you.
who needs your opinion?

wish i could think like that.

hello contradictions.

no, it's just me making everything up.
i don't depend on you as much as i had to anymore.
because i know we're both not worth our time.
move on. moving on.

this is me. this is not me.

2009-12-13T17:58:00.004+08:00

mid December. look how far we've come. the most major examination of our life is now officially over. finally, after a month of horror and stress day and night with no pauses at all to even catch a breath. now, everyone goes off for a good holiday, be it in Malaysia or out. (most of them would choose out of Malaysia though) Christmas is about to arrive, too. ah, the season of giving gifts and love. can't you just smell all the love in the air? maybe not quite the same as Valentine's, but you get what i mean. the love is spread around, everywhere you are able find love! now that i think of it, most of my friends are involved in love issues, no matter they know it or not. some are loved, some are loving, some are just desperately searching for love.

me?
well i'm not going to be involved in any of those lovey dovey thing. 'cause it's a total waste of my maturing youth(and holidays). i would rather wait for the right time for a right guy (or at least, a right-er guy) to step into my life and we both fall madly in love with each other like adults, not like kids.

i find high school romance a total no-no. even though most of it is inevitable until i have been in several my own, but things never worked out for me. i just couldn't seem to find the right guy yet(yes, i'll face it, i'm just not the girl high school boys would go for, but that isn't the point here). high school romance is all just a game. you confess to the 'girl of your dreams', she gets together with you, 3 months(or more, if you're lucky) later she tells you that you're not meant to be together and she breaks up with you. you grief for a month or so and get better, you move on with your life and meet another girl and claim that she has to be it, she has to be the 'girl of your dreams'(pffft yeah right) and you proceed to take a move.

the process repeats itself until you DO find the girl/guy of your dreams. or not.

i mean, so what if you get together with the girl of your dreams? you're 17. or YOUNGER. then what? you get married? have kids? get a job? life's too short for all that to happen so fast.

my advice?
let things be. let things flow. love will come if it's meant to come. it will find you, and probably make your suffer inside-out until you scream every night in your apartment, then make you feel a thousand times better again as if flowers are blooming in your bathroom but actually it's just the air freshener.

God gives you answers in three ways:

He says yes and gives you what you want,
He says no and gives you something better,
or He says wait and gives you the best.

by the way, that kind of love is not the only kind of love that exists in the world. what about friendship, family, and more? yeah, those are categorized as love too, mind you. you have been blessed with so much love you've practically gotten used to it. don't. always remember that love is special. loving someone completely is not an easy task. so appreciate them as much as you can while you wait for the person you will marry and live with for the rest of your life. you are also allowed to appreciate them after marriage.

just writing in a more appropriate tone compared to my usual lahs and whatnot. (:

love is not one.

2009-12-08T20:50:00.003+08:00

oh love, is so many things

i will not ever speak of the depth
of my love for someone
or the agitating things
that love makes me do

love does not force someone into a corner
love does not put someone in despair
love nourishes, nurtures, protects
love is love
and nothing may replace it

if you speak of the desperate moments
love have brought you into
or triggered the enormous emotions in you
until you cannot stop lamenting, weeping
till there are no more tears left

then you are wrong

that is not love
that is when you lose love

love is the truth
there are no lies, no illusions for love
it is indescribable and heavenly
it is victorious and lovely

you'll know what's love, when you feel it
you'll know that love is what matters the most, the most

always give love, selflessly
love each and every person fully and wholesomely
if you do not do so
you may regret, by your deathbed

love does not hurt or harm any beings
love cures and heals every injury
it takes away pain, it takes away misery

oh love, is so many, many things

to all :

2009-12-02T21:16:00.000+08:00

you don't know how much i want to tell you i love you right now.
you don't.

2009-11-29T16:48:00.001+08:00

one moment you think it's already over
one moment you know it's far from over
one moment you realize it's never going to end.

it just keeps coming back
in different forms
to bring you down.

inside of you.

2009-11-27T17:17:00.002+08:00

the rain trickle down upon me
i find it too romantic, too dramatic
to stand in the rain, to wait for a person
yet i remain still
in this rain, in this utopia of yours

i've been living in here for such time
time consumed me, swallowed me
erased me from your memories
my existence is no longer of your concern

i am nothing, nothing
i can be something, something
but i am none

for countless times i am here
inside of you, under the heartless rain
the raindrops gets heavier whenever you're sadder
and it hurts me as much as it hurts you
i've no place to hide, to take shelter of, that's why

the rain turns into a weapon when you are furious
i bleed inside of you, but you don't know that
i get injured, but i never die
this is the punishment i get, for falling in love with you

i am trapped
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
i can only be here
inside of you, ahead of you
in this foolish utopia of yours, this heart of yours

i'll be here,
to feel what you feel.

you are. don't deny it.

2009-11-23T17:31:00.002+08:00

dearly beloved, did you know?
you are loved.

even if she doesn't love you back
even if she doesn't do a thing about you
you are loved.

'cause you have me, and the Lord, and everyone else
maybe it's not enough
maybe she can be more
but i'll say it again and again if i have to--
you are loved.

whenever you are downright sad,
miserable and drowned in negative thoughts
just remind yourself
you are loved.
always, all ways.

every moment, every second
someone is missing you
someone is talking about you
someone is worried for you
someone loves you.

i love you. (:

beautiful people.

2009-11-15T17:50:00.002+08:00

people are beautiful,
they do not know.

what we see is what we think we know
what we don't see is the truth underneath
people learn to judge someone by their appearance
by what they do, what they say

but oh, what a sin
to even judge someone in the beginning
we are nobodies to each other
yet to Him
we are lovely, incredible, beautiful

so remember
you are awesome, lovely,
incredible, fantastic, indescribable
and most importantly,
beautiful.

always, all ways.

2009-11-15T12:07:00.001+08:00

i'll be holding on.
i'll be holding on to You, dear Lord.

i know that i've not done enough,
i've not done enough, but
i really pray that You'll be there to guide me through this.

i pray.

i'll be holding on.

where is this?

2009-11-13T18:27:00.003+08:00

i'm so stupid to even hope.

i don't know what to ask for anymore.
i should, stop asking.
and start giving.

also, stop complaining.
life is good, life is good. i insist to believe in that.

even though i'm not feeling any better.
but i'm praying. i'm praying.

2009-11-10T15:53:00.002+08:00

no, i dont want you to tell me you love me.
i just need the strength, and courage,
to tell you i love you.

(: cherish your loved ones!

uhh. random (:

2009-11-09T17:20:00.002+08:00

i'll write you letters
each day with a compliment
and i'll leave them unsigned

you are what i cannot be
i am what you already are
we cannot come together
because we do not fit
but we don't have to know that now, do we?

i will pull myself closer to your heart
to listen to its rhythmic beat
even when you ignore me, reject me
i will still be around
waiting for you to talk to me

and from ordinary letters i'll write you love letters instead
with just three words everyday
i love you
i love you
i love you.

live to tell.

2009-11-06T14:54:00.003+08:00

because some people just decide to drown in it
and refuse to listen.

me?
i just want to lead a life that i'm happy with.
i just wanna live to tell my grandchildren
the stories of my life
and laugh all over about it
how childish we used to be
how greedy we used to be
how we used to be everything, and now we're okay with it

i just wanna live, to tell the stories.

from the movie.

2009-10-27T14:36:00.002+08:00

i kept seeing you in the apartment
walking around in your white singlet and baggy pants
making coffee that always tasted terrible to me
lying on the couch, watching tv
with me scolding, complaining how lazy you were

i would always pick up your clothes on the floor
and every time as i throw them into the washing machine
you would come over and hug me tightly
telling me "baby you're the best"
then i would smile and return a kiss on your lips
those were the best moments

and on Saturday nights
when you return from work
no matter how bad you smell
i'd hug you, whisper to you "welcome back, boy"
you would always laugh and talk back at me
"i haven't been a boy for a long time now, baby"

you'll always be my boy
forever and always
where have you been, boy?
somehow i can still feel you around
but in reality
everyone says you're long gone, long gone

yet i know, i know
you never left, did you?

you never left.

p/s: i love you too.

never special in your eyes.

2009-10-26T18:41:00.004+08:00

i finally realize
that i'm not special
that i am still ordinary

i've finally come to see
that i'm just another
another girl, another friend
another who won't stay long in your life
one who'll leave
whom you won't miss

it's so difficult to differentiate
to differentiate the lies and truths you tell me
if i asked truthfully, and sincerely
will you tell me, who am i to you?

'cause i need to know the answer
to you
to me
to us.

in the end
i was never special, wasn't i?

like a million little stars, spelling out your name.

2009-10-25T16:25:00.004+08:00

i think i'm obsessed
i think i'm seeking for too much attention
i think i'm going crazy without any
i think staying under the limelight with you, is awesome

maybe i've been invisible for too long, for too long
being the wide-eyed fan
you're so untouchable
'cause you've been burnin' brighter than the sun

i wanna tell you so badly that you belong with me
'cause this love story is ours, ours
and our song has been playing on repeat, repeat
so please, so please be my prince
oh can you hear me?

been screamin' out your name
been dreamin' bout you
been crying on my guitar, 'cause of you

for you're a superstar
you're untouchable
and you're a prince up high
as i can only stare with all the other girls
who claim they're deeply in love with you
but unlike me, unlike me
i love you, i love you

perhaps i'm obsessed
perhaps i'm seeking too much attention
perhaps i'm going crazy without any
perhaps this will all remain as just dreams

and i'll never, never reach
your hand.

been listenin' to too much taylor swift lately (:

you make me smile like nobody does.

2009-10-20T17:08:00.002+08:00

i'm happy. content.
'cause i found the answer, to us.
i find you adorable,
lovely, awesome,
'cause you're like a sibling.

as if our souls were attached long ago
but someone separated us,
and now we're back together.
'cause you're more than a friend, and less than a lover.
it's hard to explain in words,
yet i love the feeling of having you around,
yet my heart don't speed up like a race car does when it's on the racetrack.

it's difficult to tell in words,
i still love you, though.
i still love you.

you're just..one.

2009-10-19T15:02:00.002+08:00

why do i even CARE so much about YOU?
i mean, really.
there are better friends for me to care about.

so why YOU?
why am i that bothered when YOU'RE unhappy,
or when YOU'RE happy?
why is it ALWAYS about you?

why, why, why?
am i striving THAT hard to be by your side?
just 'cause you're good-looking, popular and whatnot.

no.
that's not it.
i don't know why, but you DO matter.
you do.
but i don't love you. not in that way.
but you matter.

sheesh.

i just don't know what to believe in anymore.

2009-10-19T12:11:00.002+08:00

i ran out of words.
i ran out of beautiful words to say to you.
all i want, all i want is just
for you to be happy.

and all i want, all i want is just
for you to tell me the truth.
i know it's not the truth, you idiot
and i know it's difficult to tell secrets
but at least, at least
will you stop telling lies like these to me?

i just, won't believe you.

but it's too hard to believe, i try,
but i can't see what you see, i try, i try, i try.

i know you don't.
i know you don't.
i know you don't.
all i want is a friend
all i want is a friend

a friend.

2009-10-16T13:30:00.002+08:00

'cause seeing them smile, seeing them laugh with no worries, is MORE important than anything else.

treasure it.

2009-10-12T20:07:00.003+08:00

but what more can i ask for?

for this life is perfect
even if it has its flaws and low times
this life is amazingly perfect
i don't need anything but this life

for everyone i love is here
and my memories are intact and good
i have every limb and organ
so what more can i ask for?

nothing.
absolutely nothing.

for i will love you more tomorrow, life.

confessions of a girl.

2009-10-11T21:12:00.003+08:00

i wanna rely on you, all day long
wanna lie on your shoulder
and sleep away in the clouds
then worry nothing 'bout the end of the world

wanna let you take care of me
when i fall sick, when i look the worst
want you to see my face and smile
want nothing but you

so let me be a little girl this once
to rely on you all day long
just today, just today
at least i'll remember how it feels like
to rely on you

tis' a tragedy.

2009-10-06T18:34:00.002+08:00

i'll fill this book with all our promises and
with all the sweet things that made us smile
and all the bitter things that made us cry
without realizing that we were actually
doing the same things, together

how i would wish upon every star
tell them the same story repetitively
"there was this boy,
he was my best friend, and he still is.
please look after him for me,
for i cannot love him."
to every star of every constellation throughout the galaxy

i'll pick up my guitar and run
away, away from this feeling and you
singing and screaming and singing
what makes you smile, what makes you cry
i bet it's not me, i bet it's me
are we experiencing the same things together?

how i would write a song every night
of similar lyrics and similar tunes
that seemed familiar yet far
"oh baby will you let me hold you,
let me kiss you, love you?"
for i cannot love her
i can only imagine

tis' a miserable love story
of two who never got together
who never knew what they felt for each other
who never spoke of 'love'
for hesitation, doubt and peer pressure took over
thus love was blinded, hidden, secured
nobody knew

and they never knew.

it's all about you.

2009-09-27T11:57:00.003+08:00

i want to care about you,
of your life and of your everything.
you know, whenever you appear,
i would smile with all my heart.

ever since,
i would secretly pray for you,
day and night, over and over again.
"oh God, please guide him at all costs,
when he needs You, because i know he loves You."
it's what i would tell God,
day and night.

i know nothing about you,
all the time, i thought that i don't deserve you,
even as a friend.
i keep my distance,
for you're both friendly and famous,
for you're unreachable, for me.

you're like a star in the night,
which i cannot wish upon,
because there are far too many people in line,
wishing that you would talk to them, or throw a smile at them.
okay this may sound a little too far-fetched,
but you are who you are,
someone that i can barely touch in real life.

i would imagine the nights with you,
and the laughs that grow when you're around.
for all that matters, is you.

i will not question who you love,
for knowing who i love is enough.
because, i love you.
realizing how big the word 'love' can be,
i still do.

fade.

2009-08-20T14:18:00.002+08:00

i'm falling apart upon no reason,
i'm angry at nothing at all,
i want to scream and cry but i just can't.

i just want a hug,
and someone to tell me that they love me.

i need you.

please don't let the promises fade.
ever.

super sleepy now.
will you let me fall sound asleep, into your embrace?

2009-08-07T20:58:00.002+08:00

when i am here,
looking at everyone's lives turning in circles,
who is looking at mine?

where have you been hiding all my life?

2009-07-31T22:35:00.003+08:00

i finally found you,
my little best friend!

i pray so much,
that you will find the happiness that belongs to you.

because i want to see my bestfriend smile a wide smile,
and laugh all day long with the girl.

'cause you deserve it, i know.

i thank God for introducing you to me.

2009-07-29T16:36:00.004+08:00

thanks for smiling again.
thanks for still talking to me.

at least now i know,
some things can't be forced.
i still do love you a lot, as a really good friend.

and i want to be by your side,
even though you have a lot more shoulders to cry on,
and a lot more ears to rant to,
but i still do.

cause you're special to me:
you're the first to be my friend this fast. (:

i pray that you find the happiness that belongs to you. :D

my heart is aching.

2009-07-28T21:07:00.002+08:00

i miss you.
suddenly, i do.
i don't want to, but i really miss you.

i can't tell a soul.
all i can do is tell it here,
where you can't see or hear me.
where you wish i would be forever:
away from you, no?

far, far away from you.

midnight whispers.

2009-07-27T21:44:00.003+08:00

i'll keep quiet
i'll be silent
i'll stop talking to you
if that's what you really want.

by midnight
i'll be whispering to myself
about how you smiled today
about how happy you are without me
and you'll be just fine

so will i.
i'll be fine, without you.

not like you care anymore, anyways.

monophobic.

2009-07-26T14:50:00.003+08:00

were you that disgusted by the mention of my name?
i choose not to believe my dear friend,
but you.

when was the last time you said hi?
i never pulled myself together to wave at you,
because you were always with her.
even when she's not around,
you would see me like i'm invisible,
like nothing was ever there.

am i wrong or am i right about this?
i already explained about my feelings,
i'm not in love with you anymore, boy.
yet i cannot find the reason why you're so distant from me now,
why you weren't like you used to be...

life is screwed up when you don't know why it is.

don't forget.

2009-07-25T20:59:00.003+08:00

i know it's not you.
so i'll leave, i'll leave you world already.
stop coming back into my life.
at least, don't come back saying that you hate me.

i hate you for hating me.
i hate this.

you were the first,
to be my friend this fast.
and you were also the first,
to capture my heart this fast.

at last,
it was all just a dream.
my dream.
it never happened or existed.
you never fell in love with me.

but i did.

even perfect things are imperfect.

2009-07-13T21:13:00.002+08:00

here i am,
fantasizing all day and all night,
wondering how awesome it would be
if i was _____ for a day.

yes, i am that hopeless.

and everyone thinks the same thing :
"if only my life can get better than this."

if only...we would want less.

what didn't happen?

2009-06-26T20:06:00.002+08:00

please cut my heart open immediately so i don't have to endure the pain.
just tell me that you don't love me,
and i will cry on and on when no one's looking;
and i will smile on and on when i'm not alone.

but maybe once,
i might break down.
but you won't be there to see me.

why do i always fall for the wrong people?

2009-06-18T18:31:00.001+08:00

run, towards your unimaginably humongous dreams.
and i'll be watching your step, behind you.

just in case you fall. (:

inspire.

2009-06-17T22:02:00.002+08:00

i don't know what to write.
nothing's on my mind.
the inspiration's gone.

for now.

2009-06-17T18:41:00.002+08:00

i would lie to make you smile again.

Ruby's Cafe; 11 and a 1/2th episode

2009-06-13T22:00:00.013+08:00

a drop of sunshine woke her up. there she was, alone on her big, wide bed, just how she loves it. with the windows closed, the cold air was still stuck in her room, leaving her snuggling in her thick, white blanket. just as she was enjoying her beautiful, tiny moments, she smelled coffee. ugh, that terrible stench she hated. she had to wake up to that foul smell. that ruined all her thoughts and hopes for the rest of the day.

"Vlen! how many times have i told you not to brew coffee in the goddamn morning?!"

she cursed, without holding back. because she knew that this man would accept all her curses and moodiness with a wide smile no matter how terrible she treats him. he loves her, completely and unforgettably.

"i'm sorry, Kinji, but this is a habit that i'll never grow out of. so please bear with me, okay?"

Kinji merely pouted. unsatisfied and unhappy, she pulled herself out of bed wrapping herself with her blanket. she walked drowsily towards the kitchen table with a few yawns on the way. with the other hand hidden under her blanket, she grabbed a stool and sat near her love.

"make me some hot chocolate."

the girl has grew more demanding throughtout the days that Vlen pampered her like a child. yet Kinji knew her limits and responsibilities, towards her shop and him. Vlen immediately proceeded to make some fresh hot chocolate. a few minutes later, he poured the chocolatey liquid into a simple and again, white-coloured mug. he sprinkled tiny marshmallows into the drink.

"here you go."

Kinji picked up the mug. it felt warm. as she walked away from the table she sipped a little of the steaming hot chocolate. it burnt her lips. she let out a soft yelp, which he noticed. he rushed to her, turning her around and letting the blanket slip off her shoulders. he pressed her bottom lip with his finger softly, with just the right amount of energy. Kinji budged.

"it's okay. you're fine."

there's that smile again. that everlasting smile that takes your breath away every time you see it. the smile that warms your heart until it melts. Kinji smiled back.

"you should go wash up now. we should be getting to the cafe."

Kinji nodded lightly.

==================

the lovebirds arrived at the cafe, it was 9.00am sharp. Shun was already there, preparing a new batch of brownies. Mingz was obviously... still nowhere to be seen.

30 minutes have passed. heavy and fast footsteps were to be heard down the corridor outside the cafe. the door was pushed open with a large force. sweat dripping on the floor from his chin and pretty much everywhere else off him. he stopped in front of the cashier desk, placed his sling bag on the wooden surface and gasped for tonnes and tonnes of air. finally, he spoke.

"SORRY I'M LATE!"

Kinji, who was standing inside the kitchen, had expected the boy to be late, even being at his mid twenties he acted like a kid. she picked up anything that was closest to her right hand, and threw it straight at Mingz. Mingz caught the knife with both his hands like a pro ninja, as it nearly hit his forehead, which might have went through his head if he hadn't caught it in time.

"YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME, KINJI!"
"so? do you want your life, or your job?"
"*gulp*m-my job, please.."
"..THEN GET TO WORK!"
"R-RIGHTO!"

Mingz rushed to work. putting his apron on, he grabbed a clean piece of cloth and started wiping the tables real hardworkingly. Shun smiled. he grabbed a mop and cleaned the cafe together with Mingz. he simply enjoyed times with Mingz, even if there was no presence of any sort of conversation between them. they're like brothers but much like best friends. they're simply inseparable.

it has been 4 years. Kinji and Vlen decided to reopen the cafe, because this cafe has created much memories for the four of them. happy, sad, mysterious memories. Vlen met Kinji at her apartment a year ago, and asked her many questions regarding their past. Kinji felt very nostalgic, and finally she was willing to accept financial help from Vlen himself. a few months later, they successfully reopened Ruby's Cafe and Vlen even proposed to Kinji. she's agreed and now they're living together.

Ruby's Cafe may still be as quiet as it used to be, but they know, a new page has been flipped open and a pen of the heart is about to write down the new adventures and mishaps they're about to go through...

p/s: please ignore any powderful english and grammatic errors. ):

top of the world; unreachable.

2009-05-29T19:54:00.002+08:00

i know i love you, so now what?

girl, keep your feelings in.
'cause it's not gonna work.
'cause in the end everyone's gonna tell you the same thing:
it ain't gonna work.

cry all you want,
but it ain't gonna work.

he's not meant for you,
he won't be yours,
so give it up and just be friends.

friends.

good friends.

reminder to self :

2009-05-23T16:46:00.000+08:00

we're gonna be best friends forever.

2009-05-22T20:58:00.001+08:00

i'm falling deeper and deeper into this endless tunnel,
and i think it's too late for anyone to throw a rope to me now.

what exactly am i pulling myself into?

i'll be here.

2009-05-22T15:13:00.003+08:00

you're not alone.

i'm not good at talking things out,
nor am i good at giving advices,
but i am, quite good at listening.

don't force a smile if you can't.
'cause my heart cracks and breaks,
if yours were the same too.

as cliche as it sounds,
i don't wanna see you with a upside-down smile,
and it hurts to see you like this.

so i'm telling you this :
you're not alone.

God is here for you and so am i.

Globe prologue : Omega

2009-05-18T21:25:00.009+08:00

Rho flinched.

"i can crush you, right now,"Omega warned.

Omega left the Ancients in the meeting room whispering with a heavy suspicion on their faces. Rho could not stop crying, as she was still new around.

he was never fond of smiling. the word 'smile' never seemed to exist in his life dictionary anyways. being the eldest of all Ancients, Omega is the most powerful, physically and mentally. his powers are unlimited as they are derived right from the earth and skies itself. Omega's energy source is everywhere and anywhere. he was, indeed, the King of the Ancients. no one could win him in any sort of battle. he's invulnerable. even if he had a weakness, only he would know about it, he would kept it a secret forever.

his only flaw could only be... his past.
memories that make him scream in pain, memories to remind him that he was once... human.

being human was the most unbearable thought Omega had. but he was, he was one of Them. the human race that was once filled with pride and foolish arrogance is now demolished, eliminated, made disappeared in every way you can imagine, by Omega himself.

yet he failed to destroy humanity. one was left to survive.

himself.
he once tried killing himself; as an Ancient can only be killed by their own hands, one can only kill oneself; thus avoiding the myth of Ancients being able to kill each other to rumor around, at the same time keeping peace and harmony on Lunar.

of course, Omega failed. Psi stopped him before he could.
among all the Ancients who hated Omega for being eldest and human at the same time, Psi was the only one who supported him, let it be on the front lines or behind the scenes in creating Globe.

"Omega!"

Omega slowed down his footsteps. he knew exactly who it was to have the guts to follow him all the way into the throne room. but Omega didn't stop. he was still walking, or more like wobbling, it looked as if his legs could not support the King's body.

he collapsed at the precise moment, Psi caught him and they fell on the red carpet.

"stop being such a..."

"..nuisance? i know i am. what are you ever gonna do without me, Omega?"

Psi loved teasing his older brother. Despite the fact that they are called siblings, Psi and Omega are not related in any way at all. they were merely brought together by a lousy thing called fate. they met a few hundred years ago, and they've been brothers since.

"Omega... what's the matter with you lately? you can't let the other Ancients find out that our dear King has been fainting like a weak rodent nowadays, can you? seriously, Omega,"Psi advised Omega like he always did, with a slight smirk on his face.

"it's nothing... it's just my old wound."

Psi's eyes almost bulged out. he stripped open Omega's cream-coloured cloak and grabbed his left hand that was hid underneath before. the red lines on Omega's wrist darkened into a thick, blood red colour, but not a drop of blood showed on his left wrist. Omega pulled his hand back.

"i'm fine,"the stubborn King insisted with his deep and harsh, yet lonely voice.

Psi did not say a word. he helped Omega to stand up and they walked into his majesty's room. Omega sat on the bed. with a tilt of his finger he ordered Psi to leave in silence. after he left, Omega stared at his left wrist with such concentration that he barely noticed the fuss at the courtyard, which was right outside his room, where he could see it if only he was standing at his balcony.

Psi didn't leave the room. he was still right outside. he let out a thin sigh, and he let himself fall onto the ice-cold tile floor.

i'm never gonna be able to save you.

rain melts.

2009-05-09T22:25:00.002+08:00

i want to tell you that i have a huge crush on you,
but you're not the one, you're not the one.

you're a good friend, mr.bear
'cause i know
you would dance with me
you would sing for me
you would look me in the eyes and smile
and you will always be there when i need you

maybe being friends will do.
i'll keep my feelings in.

...but you still owe me dates (:

mr.bear

2009-04-24T19:48:00.002+08:00

what am i supposed to do now?

for even if i am not Christian,
but i would like to ask:
what should i do now, God?

my mind will not stop showing images of him,
my heart will not stop beating faster whenever he's around,
my smile will not go away when i see him.

i'm in love, i really am.

oh God, why do you put me through things like this?

this is never going to work out,
for i have been through many failures,
for he's already in love with someone else,
or even more.

but how sweet he treats me,
how much he smiles at me,
and laughs with me,
sometimes it hurts me, after all that's over.

whenever i calm down and think of the things we did together,
it hurts me so much.
for the thought of unable to be with him arises in my mind.
for he will not be mine,
no matter how much i want to be his.

for this will not end well.

2009-04-21T20:55:00.002+08:00

now what?
i'm in love, again?

man these things just keeps happening to me.
i'm a sweet-tempered girl that has a low level of satisfaction.
in short,
it's really hard to get me angry and i'm easily fooled. (:

there you go.

everyone has different hopes and wants for their love life.

the Cradle.

2009-04-05T21:17:00.003+08:00

"after all i've done, you're taking everything away from me now?!"

she yelled without a single doubt in mind.

Miles stood frozen. not a single word slipped out of his mouth. he looked like he wanted to say something, but he failed to.

she knew it. she knew that she deserved nothing and nobody. she knew it all along. her life was all just a lie. her life was someone else's to control, just another tool for the upper level Whites to achieve their selfish goals.

"silence, Alice. you don't have the rights to fuss about your duty."

Leader commanded. his brows frowned right in.

"...yes, Leader, i'm deeply sorry."

Alice had to turn in. she didnt' have the determination to fight against him anymore. seemed like her hopes shattered in a split second. Alice left the courtroom and rushed back to her dorm room. Miles chased after her, feeling all guilty.

she slammed the door behind her. Miles could not make it in.

"...i'm sorry, Alice."

there was a short period of silence, and then Alice shouted.

"...sorry? that's the only thing you can tell me? he made me feel what love is, Miles! and now you're just gonna act like nothing ever happened and snatch everything away from me AND him?!"

Miles was lost of words.

"you mean..i've never made you felt like that before?"

Alice fell back into reality, or whatever she was living in. for all these times, Miles loved her so much, but he did not dare to show her even a speck of love due to their duty. emotions were not to bring into work or Cradle itself. the second a molecule of laughter or happiness was spotted, that White would be punished onto the Roof, a realm in between all worlds where emotions are in control instead of you. of course, all Whites were afraid of this ultimate punishment. that is why the Cradle is always quiet, mysterious and...empty.

only anger, misery, fear and all the negative feelings were to be found in the Cradle.

"i'm afraid, Alice. i'm afraid that i'll lose you anytime now. what if Leader makes you go to the Roof? i don't want to lose you, Alice. i lo--"

--ve you.
Miles vanished. his voice, his body, his soul; his everything. he didn't manage to tell her.

"...Miles...?"

crystal-like tears rolled down her cheeks. there she stood, like how Miles was when she yelled before.

Miles was taken away, by Leader.

Alice was alone again like when she first arrived here.

"the Cradle is not a place for love, Alice. if you crave for love, then you should not have came to the Cradle at the beginning. you made the choice, Alice."

Leader's whispers never went away. it stayed in her ears for an eternity. guilt consumed her heart. no light was shed on her anymore. she will never see the one she loved, and the one who loved her, forever.

that night, Alice died.
that night, Aries was born.

i swear this was random stuffs 8D

2009-04-04T14:19:00.004+08:00

even if this is only a crush,
i don't have a definite way to ensure your feelings for me.
and every time i hear my heart crack,
when there's rumors to tell me that i'm not the one.

well, things never go smoothly for me.
nobody's in love with me, truthfully.
only the rain and the thunders come when i am unhappy,
and the voice of jason mraz never fail to make me smile, again.

you too, can make me smile just with your eyes.

oh well.
things never go well.
and i lose hope easily.
friends, i guess.

because simple words and phrases breaks people's hearts.

dream log#1

2009-03-25T21:19:00.002+08:00

you never looked into my eyes.
you refused to.
i looked away and pouted at my friend.

that night, i cried.

the orange wristband fell out of the man's clothes,
i picked it up without a hesitance in thought.
a ring was attached to it.
seemed like a ladies' ring.
i placed it in my thumb, it fitted perfectly.
the plastic crystal-like beads shone under the light,
they were all orange and yellow in colour; definitely my favourite.
the metallic wristband was more masculine-like,
more heroic and justice-filled.

in the library,
you knelt down and told me that you love me.
the moment you took out the other bracelet,
you realize you've switched the bracelets.
i was holding yours and you were holding mine.
your mother approved of us, and so did mine.

we sat down in relief and held each others' hands,
we couldn't stop smiling and laughing.

you are an angel, and i am a fish.

2009-03-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

you came into my life
to put a smile on my face
with a single lollipop
that sweetens my heart so much
i saw wings on your back
and i still do

all the other people laughed at me
they called me stupid
you, you didn't say a word
you just held my hand
with those of yours

i want to protect you all the time
i don't know what is this feeling
but i don't want you to be taken by someone else
i want to be by your side, everyday
i want to lay in your arms

who is he
who can he be to you
to barge into your life
taking charge in your life
shattering all my hopes and dreams

he's just like the others
he's shallow
and he can only see one side of me

i don't want you
to be his.

爱就宅一起。

走火入魔

2009-02-13T20:43:00.002+08:00

我走火入魔了吗?
我失去方向了吗?

我知道我可以选择快乐，
我知道我可以不理会关于你的任何消息，
我知道我可以把你当作朋友。

对不起。

当初，我就不应该爱上你。
我不应该抱着还有希望的态度，
我不应该接近你，
我不应该告诉你我真正的感受。

对你而言，我可能只是另一个过路人而已。
或许我会在你的世界停留，
但我无法住进你的心房。

不能，就是不能。
我会放弃的。

2009-01-11T22:32:00.001+08:00

i laid my eyes on you,
and forgot what was the reason that made me so scared,
of being forgotten.

single, lonely, loveless.

2008-12-22T16:43:00.002+08:00

i'm not in love anymore!
so sad, so happy, so free.

and i'm back to being single, lonely and loveless.
when oh when,
will my love story come true?

i've been waiting,
all my life.

for the first time my Romeo would take my hand,
he would kiss my forehead,
like i'm his princess;
he might not be as good-looking,
but he'll love me like every Romeo does to his Juliet.

and so we'll await,
the next curtain call for my next love story.

2008-12-08T21:15:00.002+08:00

i think i know why all this is happening.
'cause i don't know what's on your mind,
but i hope i finally got it spinning.

since when i'm so breakable?
since when i'm such a baby, so fragile?
and since when we're not meant to be?

oh, i remember.
since the day i confessed my feelings to you.

oh well, forget it.
i'll just have to remind myself over and over again :
this is gonna be the last present i'm gonna give you.

2008-11-25T02:57:00.002+08:00

If love would be as simple as anything,
If I could just say it to you,
how much i want to be close,
how much i want to be yours.

endings.

2008-11-19T21:47:00.003+08:00

"i'm...searching for someone."

our worlds maybe separated,
but we share the same sky, the same clouds.
it's like our names intertwined,
mine as the sky
and yours and the clouds, of course.

i found kairi and riku, cloud.
have you found who you've been looking for?

sora, your heart is exactly like the sky.
it has unlimited possibilities and courage within.
i appreciate what you've done to pull me out of darkness.

i'm still searching for him,
the one who destroyed everything, and left.
after i hunt him down, sora,
i'll come look for you,
and we'll have that rematch.

geez can i get any lamer.
YES ITS GAY. 8C
*shot*

trinity.

2008-11-18T18:50:00.002+08:00

do you remember?
that little book of promises.
that little book of all our hopes and dreams.

...do you remember at all?

we raced and raced,
we fought alongside,
but that wasn't enough for the both of us, no.

this island is too little, too tiny.
you told me,
"when we grow up, sora, we're gonna get out of this island together!"
that's what you told me, don't you remember?

kairi came along.
she didn't change a thing between us.
the three of us, we're so inseparable.
but now, why--

riku, what's happening?

have you forgotten..
that little book of all our promises?

inspired by; kingdom hearts.

lol yes now only i'm playing that game. :'D

i'm yamada. i'm not yamada.

2008-11-01T21:39:00.002+08:00

in a way because you know how i like you yet you don't really like me back.
not in a way because yamada is way prettier and cuter and really natural with all her feelings.

just a thought.

byee.

最爱歌词库3

2008-10-26T23:54:00.002+08:00

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则
不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的癒合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了
然後才後悔着

你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下
你穿的保护色
为什麽失去了
还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤
全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着

看今夜的流星划过了天际笑我的心
我无法再冷静请你要倾听你是我的唯一
我不愿去相信我们之间隔着海洋的距离
我的爱已融化在空气里

再說也沒有用再多也不會夠
盼望只是一個夢清醒只會更疼痛

再說你本來就遲早會離開我
還有一點點時間可以看你的臉孔

趁現在我還來不及難過的時候
你離去的背影看著花瓣慢慢的流走

我爱的人不是我的爱人
他心里每一寸都属于另一个人
他真幸福幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨他的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人他已有了爱人
从他们的眼神说明了我不可能
每当听见她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声

外表协会；丑死了。

2008-10-26T16:14:00.003+08:00

该死的自卑感。
无缘无故又会逃了出来，缠着我。

该死的。

我已经告诉过我自己好几百万遍，
我不丑我不丑；
事实上我确实是不只长得那么一点抱歉，
而是长得实在太难看了。

该死的我，
就算有人对我说：
“你不丑，还有人比你长得难看的！”
我知道，这只不过是安慰我的话。
在我们之间里，
你说实话：
我是不是让人第一眼看见，就不觉得美？

外表，对我而言，确实是很重要。
我甚至还讨厌过自己
怎么会长得这么丑？

该死的自卑感。

2008-10-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

虽然知道这是并不可能存在的虚幻
我却只想让你拥有
曾经有一个女孩爱上你的回忆。。。

我会一个一个地写下
我一直以来
都很想与我最爱的人一起做的事
或许在未来，那个人不会是你了
我也感谢罢了

和他一起躺在草地望着星空
牵着他的手，赤脚走在海边
听他为我唱情歌
他会吻我的额头
我会在他的怀抱里度过一夜
他会哭，我会拥抱他，对他轻声细语

还有好多好多
想不起的事

十年之后，我们是朋友。。。吗？

2008-09-23T22:51:00.002+08:00

不管结局会怎么样，我想要有一个“至少我努力过”的回忆。

笨蛋中的超级无敌大笨蛋。

2008-09-23T21:13:00.002+08:00

不是的。
本人已经陷入一种无可救药的状态了。
我不想责怪任何一个人。
是我让我自己跌进这种状态的。

反正再爱下去也没用，为什么要努力辛苦呢？
反正他也不会爱上你，做这么多事是为什么呢？

真是自找麻烦。

2008-09-21T22:55:00.002+08:00

天啊，我到底在干什么？

一次又一次默默的受伤，
活在单恋的世界当中，
让自己受伤的却是自己。

一次又一次地给自己希望，
却又不想再度打扰你和你的世界。

哦短暂的单恋期，赶快过去吧。

可是。。。我也不想停止爱你。
啊。好矛盾的我。讨厌死了。

2008-09-12T15:40:00.002+08:00

你的头发稍微长了。

再一次看见你，并没有让我立刻脸红。
唯一想到的就是：一定要先跟你说话。
因为好久好久，已经没听到你的声音，没看见你的笑容。

你把我当成朋友跟我笑了笑，说没两句话，你就不见了。
失望既高兴，那个要再跟你说话的勇气又回来了。

深爱的人，在你眼中总是最帅，最美丽，最天衣无缝的。

对你。

2008-09-11T21:57:00.003+08:00

他不会爱我。

i'm panicking. why'm i panicking?
it's cause of you. stupid, stupid you.
and what was the reason that made me fall in love with you again?
...i forgot. did the reason even exist?

我并没有勇气。
是谁都看得出来吧？
我真的，真得很胆小。尤其是遇见你的时侯。
有你在身边，总觉得浑身不自在。
不知道该说些什么，不知道该做些什么，才能看见你的笑。
很害怕会出错，出糗。

卡在朋友和情人之间的模糊地带，真的很无奈。
总觉得自己应该放弃你，却不能瞬间放手。
想找回朋友的关系，却已不知怎么面对你。
因为只要一看到你，心跳会没有理由地加速，全身发烫，甚至脑子一片空白。

what should i do what should i do?
i have no idea. i'm stuck, right here.
my heart's beating real quick even now.
and i can't help but to think ;
of all the things that we won't do together,
of all the promises that won't even exist,
impossible is the only word that fits in.

and probably, pain, misery and tears stands next to the word.

2008-09-05T16:00:00.002+08:00

或许我们长大后，有一天我们会回想起这段根本没有机会生存的恋情，一起笑我们俩从前的稚气和无知，还有那脆弱的自信心。

或许我们现在不肯面对彼此，到最后却回到原点，又慢慢的被缘分撮合在一起，最后过着美满的生活，还结婚生子了。

或许你离开中学以后，我就再也见不到你。我会把你忘了，并继续生活。

或许你又爱上了她，还走回头和她在一起，让我看见了好心痛，整整哭了一个礼拜。

或许我们会一直这样下去，连朋友都没得做了。

或许八年后，你会再次现身在我眼前，向我告白。而我就会默默的推开你的双手，让你尝尝看着你深爱的人的背影离开的那种滋味。

或许这一切都不会发生，天知道。

明天的事都很难预料了，更何况是未来？

2008-09-04T15:46:00.001+08:00

我忘了是否听到你的声音，但是你确实说了：
最重要的人，怎么突然变得更重要了？

2008-09-02T21:41:00.001+08:00

就在我要把你彻底忘记的那一晚，居然又让我梦见了你。
on that night when i finally decide to forget all about you, my dreams led me to you.

2008-08-25T17:43:00.002+08:00

it's common sense that when you know someone likes you but you don't have that special feeling back at them, you would start avoiding them.

more or less.

you'd do that. he'd do that. i'd do that.

...so why am i even bothering to make a total fool out of myself?
pointless as it seems, i'm willing to do it.

well do i need someone to talk to or what.

...because you really matter.

我在云上爱你。

2008-08-16T14:57:00.003+08:00

前几天，我梦到了你。听人说过，如果你梦到一个人，表示你和他都离开了肉体到梦里见到了各自的灵魂。

你。。。应该没看见我吧。

而今天，我也看见了你。今天是我第一次仰头望着你的脸。原来，会骑自行车的你，在我眼中，是特别的帅气。你的身后是一片天空；有我最爱的云朵。仿佛是你代表了天空，代替了我的一望无际。你像是成为了我不能失去的一切。

因为被爱是幸福的，所以我会爱你。

2008-08-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

要是失去我，
能够让你找回自己，
我并不会介意。

要是我的心碎，
可以弥补你的缺口，
我并不会介意。

要是我的幸福,
能够换取你的痛楚,
我会很乐意。

把百分之百的幸福都让给你，
是我不能实现的梦。

2008-08-03T21:53:00.000+08:00

i l.o.v.e. you.
right here, right now.

Hiroki Shinosuke.

2008-07-22T16:45:00.004+08:00

i want to tie a red string from your pinky to mine, wishing all night that you will soon realize how much i love you.

"I did it, Hiro."

Hiro would listen to every word that Pierce says. He is quite sure of what's happening between them. Or more specifically, what's happening to him alone. Even with his super genius intelligence this is probably the only thing he doesn't succeed in.

The last time he fell in love with a girl it was too painful, he erased all the memories of her forcefully not to remember a single detail of the sorrow buried in it.

Now, Pierce. Hiroki met her when he was 13. Their pair-up was destiny, perhaps. Yes, lame ol' destiny and fate. They ran into each other through a fierce battle. Over what, you ask? Over nothing, really. They were just both so hot-headed and didn't bother a thing what their fury would cause at that time. In the end nobody won the battle; they were both exhausted. Of course, they found out that they're both mutants and since then they've paired up as partners.

"Oy, Hiro? Hellooooo?"

Hiroki falls right back into reality. He stands up and heads for the boy's washroom. Pierce stand confused.

Ugh. I need to stop this. What's the point in liking her anyways? She's such a BOY, and she's got that attitude I'm really tired of. Wait. I should stop thinking. Pierce might be sensing my emotions right now. Annoying girl.

He stops every thought that was running through his mind.
He washes his hands, and looks straight into his reflection on the mirror.

White hair, golden eyes, fire generating and manipulating powers, a super genius.

People has been running away from me ever since they knew the truth in me. They're terrified by the facts of the world, calling me a monster wherever i go. I can only blame God for not giving me a voice to curse them with all my soul, to explain in words how i am not harmful at all.

Hiro stares into his own eyes.

"Hiro."

Those golden eyes switches focus and turns to the voice.

"It's time to go,"it's Pierce at the door, somehow ordering Hiro to go with her.

Hiroki nods without a sound, and follows her out.

Here it starts--

rofl this is darn lame. SORRAY.
am bored, and very interested in the HiroPierce relationship. (:
go to elyssia's blog for more info!

最爱歌词库2

2008-07-21T17:58:00.005+08:00

你最近不说话怎么了为什么
是不是有什么事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的

我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

很想说有你是幸福的很想说我的心是你的
很想说你真的误解了很想说你真的忘记了

My Love~

笑容没了距离有了快乐也走了
还是真心死了彼此不信任了终于懂了真的

很想说有你是幸福的很想说我的心是你的
很想说你真的误解了很想说你真的忘记了
很想说会好好疼你的很想说爱你是自由的
很想说你是否听见了很想说你真的忘记了

爱了就有坚持理由别说我会留在路口

不会走爱你会直到最后

试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈

guess the songs lah. (: