ramblings.

this is my refuge. this is where i take cover when i'm too scared to say it in your face.
this is the part where i tell you i'm sick of life, but indeed i am not.
simply sick of the souls changing around me, but still thankful for a handful who're still the same.
i cannot handle a meager drop of change, it hurts me so, it makes me miss.
"i guess if you can let me down for so many times, i suppose i can do the same too"
i don't wish to be vengeful, but a certain subconscious is calling out for me to be realistic, and mean.
sarcasm doesn't work its way into my ears, humor fills me not;
i feel like a soulless child, completely transformed to be someone i am not.

i struggle to look for the delicate scent of hope around me, yet nothing comes up.
the happiest music sounds almost like a funeral to me, the sadder ones only make it worse.
who am i to speak of life's depths?
i feel worthless, undeserving and lost.
not knowing what i want, not knowing what i need, not knowing what i have even lost.
it's suddenly tough for me to smile, yet the next second i could be laughing.

worlds seem to be turning, spinning, twirling in gigantic circles.
i am lost again, not knowing a single thing, regressed into a baby.